Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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