The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
