she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?