are you wasted or are you getting laid?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.