i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
