Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me

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(817): View more from Texas

Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

(1-817): View more from Texas

You weighed it?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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(559): View more from California

I queefed so loud it echoed.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(510): View more from California

EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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(940): View more from Texas

It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"

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(551): View more from New Jersey

you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions

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