all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off