some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.