Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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