i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
