ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
