I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize