I have demons in me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
