I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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