come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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