He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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