i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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