i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
