So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A bitchslap is in order.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
