I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
