i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
