Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
