Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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