Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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