and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to make out with him forever
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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