i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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