I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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