I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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