Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
