I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
