What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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