what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
