Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
