You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
