My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
