You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
