I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
