I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
