This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
