Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
