I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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