My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
