As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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