I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
