You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
