1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
