How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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