it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
