he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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