The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize