She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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