Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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