i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize