its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Operation Purity has been aborted
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
