her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize