I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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