No awkward lesbian experiences without me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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