Fuck appropriateness.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
