Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
