The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
