My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
