I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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