Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize