I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
