are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
