I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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