i think my tv is drunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
