I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
