I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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