My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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